Day ????

I started rewriting my blog to streamline my life. But your old habits refuse to die down. These old habits are the life of a spoiled child raised by lenient and indecisive parents. You know all the dos and don'ts. you know the things you have to work on but some kind of negative energy binds you to the floor and with their tight grip holds your limbs together. you feeling suffocated, gaged, and helpless.

Most days, if not all, I stare at the computer screen or the pages of my books and don't know what to do or where to start. Even if I start something, my mind goes bonkers and I soon lose interest. to soothe my bruised ego I try to say "Well that's a good start". My subconscious mind says "Start!! What did you start?" Throughout the day I feel wasted and go to sleep with the bitter truth. 

I hit the sack without getting tired and woke up dull and tired. This thing has become an infinity loop which I want to break out of but am unable to do so.

This year I have been jobless for the most part of my time. I have been the victim of office politics no doubt but my negative attitude played a big role. it is a wake-up call for me. I do not want to repeat this mistake. By the end of the year, I want to change myself to 360 degrees but still a long way to go.

DAY 116

 Dear Diary

Today is day 116. I have made a plan for myself; it can be termed a glorified routine. There are things which I need to do every day but somehow I need to stick to them. My struggle is real. 

There was a time when I felt absolutely motivated to do something new every day but lost track and I was just drifting without any aim or direction. I got addicted to the most notorious poison of ours wasting most of my time on mobile. I hardly do anything fruitful with my mobile and the most annoying part is that I know that I am not doing what was supposed to be done. I spend hours and hours in that nuisance.

As a result, my days end feeling absolutely trash and wasted not because I have burned out from the heavy workload but due to the lingering feeling that I have not done enough work to end the day as the most productive day.

The greatest battle is the battle with yourself and the people around the world who are fighting the same battle every day are true fighters. it is easy to fight against the vice of the other person but it is very difficult to fight with your own vice. It's a big SHOUTOUT to those who are battling their demon to bring out the best version of themself.  👏👏

The day I left my job, I decided that I would reinvent myself so that I could be better than I am right now. I chose not to feel sorry for myself which I think was a remarkable thing about myself. I decided that I would give myself 4 months to upgrade myself but my idling has derailed me from my path. Now I am struggling with my addiction. But I have not lost all my hope. I try to keep my spirit up. Seriously spending your time on mobile is a serious addiction! So I have decided to give myself some more time. I want to reinvent myself by the end of the year. I want to glow up by this year. I want to remember year 2024 as the year I bring positive change in myself and not with some sorry setbacks. therefore I have started to write the blog again to register for this journey.

Let there be some bloodshed!!!

BYE.

Shraboni 2.0 And the story continues...... Day 109

 Dear my imaginary friends

See you after a long time. It's so funny that I come to one of the oldest blog posts when I am in my deepest shit. And so a lot of things happened in between... So a quick brief up.....

• I finished my teacher training course
• and found my soul friends in the form of four-legged angels. they made my life happier than ever
• then Covid happened.... Thankfully me and my family were okay during the pandemic
• However, I lost a lot of close ones. Many people have passed the Rainbow Bridge. there is the sudden realization that time is constantly changing. People who were our wall and my fort are now crumbling down. now it's time for us to take the front stage but I am doing (as usual!) a shitty job.
• Completed my CTET but didn't add it's value
• I have started doing a Google certificate course but never completed it
• My mother who was once a very talented lady is now suffering from Dementia, Glaucoma which resulted in near blindness and of course hearing loss.
• The relationship has sour with my brother and I don't know whether it will improve or not
• left my previous job with a slight hike in salary into a new job
• Last but not least, I was fired from my current job and am now JOBLESS!!

So, this is the current update of my life. I have seen the worst day in life. So, the good thing, I am not panicking. I am taking this as a break to upgrade myself, both professionally and personally. The only huddle is that I am sipping into my old habit.. Lack of focus, concentration lapse, diving into temptation, and addiction. This time it is mobile addiction that is derailing my lean period. so I will try to keep account of my journey my struggles and achievements so that I can keep track of my life.