Something New Maybe......? who knows.....

I was till struggling with my demons when out of nowhere I got an offer for an tuition. It was fortnight ago when suddenly my phone rang. I was asked to teach arts to a 6th standard kid. I have to do three days a week to teach her subject.

The offer is not at all attractive; to teach five subject I am just merely paid Rs 700. And moreover it is not in my locality. I have to take a bus ride for about half an hours to reach my destination. Financially speaking I am gaining nothing. It has nothing to do with a good lucrative career or the money I am getting it not fit for me to buy me a pair of good shoes!! But at this delicate point of my life; first I have to recollect my strength, my confidence and my hope without which I cannot face the outside world.

BACKFIRE....

I started my " re-gain life spirit" with much pomp pomp. As I previously mentioned that I choose different lifestyle program i.e "mind- beauty program" and believe me was really great. I actually like it and I was feeling the difference inside me. I think I was feeling positive, cheerful, hopeful etc etc.

But as usual my demons are back- my laziness, my negativity and my inferiority complex just creep inside me. Again I am where I was in the start with the sense of lost. Sincerity is there no doubt but sometimes my the fire just extinguish without a trace.

Before I deal with my life I have to do something with these lapse of concentration. But at the same time I came to conclusion that there is no escape from fear. The more you run the more its haunt you. I have no choices; I have to face and fight with my fear. And how I will do it I don't know. I think I have to do this my whole life.

Now for the time being I have to do What I started few days ago.

trying to change..............

It may sound very dumb and illogical but it is my first step to regain control in my life. my biggest fault is my lack of discipline and sincerity. If you have both this thing in your attitude you will always have an edge in life. You are able to face any situation with full confidence that you can win. Somewhere I lost my focus and the attitude. i have not relised til I lost evrythig





But everybody makes mistakes and who learns from there mistakes are the smater ones. I dont want to dwell on my past. The feeling of pity is stinker than pity itself. And I want to move on..........





But there is a problem................... I dont know how to give a fresh start or where to begin. Luckily recently I bumped into a website call http://www.realage.com/ ...... it is a good website for all those people who want to be fit and healthy. it is bit different from other website in the sense that here emphises is given on the ground on medical science. Anyway in this perticular website there was a segment on - 'how to get younger looking skin'. There was no perticular beauty procedure or any kind of treatment. Here importance is given in MIND-BEAUTY connection.



It may seems funny that when I have to do something serious I am burying my nose into beauty treatment....."WAKE UP GIRL!!!" But this was different. Here rather than talking about different beauty treatment it gave attention to lifestyle choices; choices which has power to change the course of life. accoeding to this perticular expert whatever changes we make with our life reflect on our whole apperance. Good lifestyle habit reward in good healthy skin. It is a "9 days skin renewal plan" which focas on daily basis lifestyle change.



It was an wake up call because while reading i came across that there many thing which I either I dont do it or left them somewhere in this low phrase. Like connecting with your buddies or get together with your near and dear ones or living an active life etc.

wanna change than change yourself..........

Picture on the left is me.; sitting and staring at my dry patch of my life....... dry patch created by my own neglience. Somehow I failed to have control my own life. I was stoically numb to feel the importance of the moment or small incidence in your life; moment which makes and break your journey of your life.



I used to blamed everyone for the mess which was created none other than me. Then I used to blame myself. I felt sorry for myself then miserable, then dirty and sucidal at a times. And beleive me once this stinky feeling srink into your mind they suck little bit of positivity left in you. beware of that!!!



I came to my senses when it was to late : my ambition to study mass communication......... I know, its all my fault. I accept that. My neglience, my laid back attitude and no dicipline in my lifestyle and apporach has now taken a ugly shape. Today at the age of 25 in a new city I have no job, no friend, no hope; nothing. Only fear of everything; fear of failure, fear of rejection and I dont know fear of many other thing. I just dont know after failure to get admission in mass communication what shall i do know ?



I just dont want to live like that. Its so disgusting to think bad about youself 24/7. I want to fight, fight really very hard. I know I dont have anything special which I can be proud of. But I want to change and change for better me. How I will able to do it I really dont know. What is the point of living like a garbage dump.

So this is my journal to start my life from the scratch. I dont know how I will do it but I just know that I have to do something somehow. I want to change both from outside and inside............ So I am miss nobody who want to be miss somebody.