22/2/2015
hi,
I don,t know when the last time I wrote this. whenever I want to do something meaningful I just do something this or that but never those which need to be done. As a result, the whole day is wasted and the end of the day I feel miserable, guilty and most importantly empty. this emptiness is killing me.
One silver lining is that I am still in a steady relationship with my hope. she hadn't left me. Thank God! for that. I keep on trying. Fail .... hmm.. yes ....most of the time but try to learn from the mistakes. There are a lot to be done with me, but I am getting a better version of myself inch by inch, day by day.
Marriage has changed me a lot. I am still impulsive, lazy and highly sensitive, but I can control way better. relationship with husband........... hmm........ not the romantic types..... and definitely not the very humdrum or boring....... but very realist and practical one. (Please don't get any wrong idea about him. In fact, he is the most genuine and compassionate guy I came across. Very trustworthy and loyal to me. Things which has become very rare in 21st century relationship). Now both of us standing on the flimsy and wet ground which is losing its capacity to hold us for long.
Since my teenage years I want my life to be the adventurous one where I have a chance to explore my horizon; to be able to learn something every day. never in my wildest dream I thought that it will be realized in the boring four corners of the domestic wall.
Being a 21st century gal, I have to excel in everything. I have to be a domestic goddess, smart career women who have an excellent knack for shifting gear from close four corners of your house to the endless horizon under the blue sky.
During the first year of my marriage, I kept on complaining about this new phase in my life. Then I realize I will go nowhere with my complaints and not eevn to my husband. Yes...... seems shocking.......... We are always been told that this special man with change your life,turns yours life in a Disney land but no..
Our society put so much pressure on getting married. there are thought which are sowed in our head that you marriage will solve your problem and when there is love it will take you anywhere you want.BULLSHIT!! every relationship comes with its demand and to make your relationship works you have to search a person with whom you are more competent with.... love can bear its fruits from them. don't take your baggage with you.nobody wants to bear your burden whole life singlehandedly. even I also hate to hear his excuses and petty complaints and frustrations all the time. I so get fuck up. if it can happen to me then why he will feel it the same way. Now I deal with my own problems.
This is my current background....... I hope thatI will write soon... And yes, I have told I don't know what numbers of time..... I'll write, I'll write...... but this time am serious. Till then BYE and wish me that I write soon.
BYE!
hi,
I don,t know when the last time I wrote this. whenever I want to do something meaningful I just do something this or that but never those which need to be done. As a result, the whole day is wasted and the end of the day I feel miserable, guilty and most importantly empty. this emptiness is killing me.
One silver lining is that I am still in a steady relationship with my hope. she hadn't left me. Thank God! for that. I keep on trying. Fail .... hmm.. yes ....most of the time but try to learn from the mistakes. There are a lot to be done with me, but I am getting a better version of myself inch by inch, day by day.
Marriage has changed me a lot. I am still impulsive, lazy and highly sensitive, but I can control way better. relationship with husband........... hmm........ not the romantic types..... and definitely not the very humdrum or boring....... but very realist and practical one. (Please don't get any wrong idea about him. In fact, he is the most genuine and compassionate guy I came across. Very trustworthy and loyal to me. Things which has become very rare in 21st century relationship). Now both of us standing on the flimsy and wet ground which is losing its capacity to hold us for long.
Since my teenage years I want my life to be the adventurous one where I have a chance to explore my horizon; to be able to learn something every day. never in my wildest dream I thought that it will be realized in the boring four corners of the domestic wall.
Being a 21st century gal, I have to excel in everything. I have to be a domestic goddess, smart career women who have an excellent knack for shifting gear from close four corners of your house to the endless horizon under the blue sky.
During the first year of my marriage, I kept on complaining about this new phase in my life. Then I realize I will go nowhere with my complaints and not eevn to my husband. Yes...... seems shocking.......... We are always been told that this special man with change your life,turns yours life in a Disney land but no..
Our society put so much pressure on getting married. there are thought which are sowed in our head that you marriage will solve your problem and when there is love it will take you anywhere you want.BULLSHIT!! every relationship comes with its demand and to make your relationship works you have to search a person with whom you are more competent with.... love can bear its fruits from them. don't take your baggage with you.nobody wants to bear your burden whole life singlehandedly. even I also hate to hear his excuses and petty complaints and frustrations all the time. I so get fuck up. if it can happen to me then why he will feel it the same way. Now I deal with my own problems.
This is my current background....... I hope thatI will write soon... And yes, I have told I don't know what numbers of time..... I'll write, I'll write...... but this time am serious. Till then BYE and wish me that I write soon.
BYE!
