hi,
there is no time to sit by and to see the life just passing by in front of you; there is no time to see that you are in somebody else's control. believe me, nothing sucks more than to losing your control on your self.
so, you need a fresh start. I know, I have said this line many times over but you have to remind yourself time and again, otherwise you lose motivation. I have past my fear( well almost ) and now its time to give second chance to yourself.
First of all, you have to fight your fear. but saying that, it is not at all easy to do in pratice. there are certain fear which you have to overpower for your rest your life and it is continious process which you have to do all along..
Monday, August 16, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
invasion on privacy
Ok!! here comes one tricky situation - how to handle improper sexual advances from the close quarters of the family? my experiences from my own cousin with whom i have been very close to since childhood.
he never molested me but his behavior is very improper. at the beginning i used to bluff it as my imagination; i used to believe that it was careless and innocent touch. moreover i used to stay in another city and so his chances were less and i have my own stuff to do.
but things changed after i shifted to new city and things became bit complicated when his elder sister was engaged. a typical middle class Bengali families stick together thick and thin. so naturally our visit increased to make preparation for their big day.
it was only during the wedding that i realised his dirty mind. during a typical Bengali wedding a mass bedding is led on where all the relation sleep like there are stucked in odd hours in the station. anyway during the celebration he would always tried to sleep beside me and the odd hours in the night he used to touch me inappropriately. it was then i realised that whatever i used to think all this years was true!
i don't know how i felt at that moment - for few moment i was blank; i was clueless, out of my wits and totally confused......... actually i don't know how i was reacting. the cousin is four years younger and i used to treat him like Kidd bro. he stripped all kind of dignity( i don't know what else to say). but there was one more shock to come. he is doing same thing one of my cousin. this girl is same age as my this so called Kidd bro and she is in serious relationship. i was thinking did i was giving any signal which he misunderstood but after listing same ordeal from my another cousin i realised that this guy in nothing else than a - bastard.
but my problem does not end there. i just want show my rage to him, i want to charge him face to face but i am unable to do so, i am overpowered with shyness and embarrassment and my silence has given more courage to invade my privacy. i am trying to avoid him and trying to maintained as nothing happened. the problem is he behave normally in social gathering but at home he is horrible. he just keep on insisting to share the bed and show his devil side pretending to be asleep. he loves pornography and i was surprised to see that he was quite bold enough to see this banned sites in my comp.
things are getting out of hand. this bastard is banking on our silence and our embarrassment. he has realised that we wont say anything to anybody. we share our ordeal with my other cousin and i am too ashamed to talk all this stuff with my parents. i will i say to my father that your own sis's son is a moron. but i have to do something. i have to stand up for my dignity. this silence is killing me and i am very much ashamed in myself. i have to charge him red handed.....
please give me courage to talk about this stuff( because i am too embrassed to talk openly). please give me courage because this guy is a coward who just stab in the back.
he never molested me but his behavior is very improper. at the beginning i used to bluff it as my imagination; i used to believe that it was careless and innocent touch. moreover i used to stay in another city and so his chances were less and i have my own stuff to do.
but things changed after i shifted to new city and things became bit complicated when his elder sister was engaged. a typical middle class Bengali families stick together thick and thin. so naturally our visit increased to make preparation for their big day.
it was only during the wedding that i realised his dirty mind. during a typical Bengali wedding a mass bedding is led on where all the relation sleep like there are stucked in odd hours in the station. anyway during the celebration he would always tried to sleep beside me and the odd hours in the night he used to touch me inappropriately. it was then i realised that whatever i used to think all this years was true!
i don't know how i felt at that moment - for few moment i was blank; i was clueless, out of my wits and totally confused......... actually i don't know how i was reacting. the cousin is four years younger and i used to treat him like Kidd bro. he stripped all kind of dignity( i don't know what else to say). but there was one more shock to come. he is doing same thing one of my cousin. this girl is same age as my this so called Kidd bro and she is in serious relationship. i was thinking did i was giving any signal which he misunderstood but after listing same ordeal from my another cousin i realised that this guy in nothing else than a - bastard.
but my problem does not end there. i just want show my rage to him, i want to charge him face to face but i am unable to do so, i am overpowered with shyness and embarrassment and my silence has given more courage to invade my privacy. i am trying to avoid him and trying to maintained as nothing happened. the problem is he behave normally in social gathering but at home he is horrible. he just keep on insisting to share the bed and show his devil side pretending to be asleep. he loves pornography and i was surprised to see that he was quite bold enough to see this banned sites in my comp.
things are getting out of hand. this bastard is banking on our silence and our embarrassment. he has realised that we wont say anything to anybody. we share our ordeal with my other cousin and i am too ashamed to talk all this stuff with my parents. i will i say to my father that your own sis's son is a moron. but i have to do something. i have to stand up for my dignity. this silence is killing me and i am very much ashamed in myself. i have to charge him red handed.....
please give me courage to talk about this stuff( because i am too embrassed to talk openly). please give me courage because this guy is a coward who just stab in the back.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
THANK YOU GIRLS!!!!!
Hi,
Life is very strange thing and according to me it is the most mystifying thing in the world. The more you try to tame it, more it glide away from our hand. I know this thing had been told now and then but it is very true that our life never shape like we plan. It has its own journey.
I just wondered how can I live my life peacefully when nothing goes according to my plans. I never gave a serious thought regarding this matter but when you are down with your stars these vague queries just popped in your head like popcorn and believe me it is very scary.
With all these doubt I got chance to teach two young girls as a private tutors. These 6th std girls are from different families, different school, different upbringing and of course poles apart personalities. But they are unique, special and enriching ( at least for me ) in their own ways. Teaching these girls kept me engaged in weekdays. As a teacher my job was to give them lesson but I have least idea that in return I can learn and see many things from them. I also found that daily life can be fun if we are ready to pick the its-bits of our life. But more importantly we should step up from our well in our conscience than life can be very enriching.
There are also many other things which I have gained from this girls. The list is long which I am unable to expressed in proper terms. Your unconditional love, support, your complete trust, your faith in me has really helped me to mend my broken confidence. And of course your childish quries, your innocent antics and your sweet pranks has always made my day.
Thank you girls!!!!! For Everything
Life is very strange thing and according to me it is the most mystifying thing in the world. The more you try to tame it, more it glide away from our hand. I know this thing had been told now and then but it is very true that our life never shape like we plan. It has its own journey.
I just wondered how can I live my life peacefully when nothing goes according to my plans. I never gave a serious thought regarding this matter but when you are down with your stars these vague queries just popped in your head like popcorn and believe me it is very scary.
With all these doubt I got chance to teach two young girls as a private tutors. These 6th std girls are from different families, different school, different upbringing and of course poles apart personalities. But they are unique, special and enriching ( at least for me ) in their own ways. Teaching these girls kept me engaged in weekdays. As a teacher my job was to give them lesson but I have least idea that in return I can learn and see many things from them. I also found that daily life can be fun if we are ready to pick the its-bits of our life. But more importantly we should step up from our well in our conscience than life can be very enriching.
There are also many other things which I have gained from this girls. The list is long which I am unable to expressed in proper terms. Your unconditional love, support, your complete trust, your faith in me has really helped me to mend my broken confidence. And of course your childish quries, your innocent antics and your sweet pranks has always made my day.
Thank you girls!!!!! For Everything
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